In the last
couple weeks I’ve read quite a few articles and blog posts by people with
P.O.T.S. and I’ve noticed two running themes, marathons and whining. When I started my blog I was worried that it
would ere on the side of pity me and I hate reading blog post like that. Sometimes chronically ill people like to vent
about how terrible their life is how normal people have it perfect. It is true that “normal” people have
something we don’t have, their health, but everyone deals with something or
another in their lives. The other
extreme is recovery stories and how they started running marathons and life is
now awesome. Don’t get me wrong, these
stories can be inspirational and if I suddenly got better I may take up running
(or just walking around the house haha) but there’s something about these posts
that really rubs me the wrong way. I’m
probably just jealous I guess. In most
of these posts the blogger had a normal healthy childhood and then suddenly got
sick and then by some miracle was diagnosed quickly, given medication that
actually worked and stared their new marathon running life. What a joke. It probably was much harder than that and
they’ve condensed their story but even with the regular stories I find that I
don’t really fit into my very small niche.
I’ve been dealing with these symptoms for my whole life, and I can’t
take the medication that they prescribe for my condition. P.O.T.S. altered my childhood and teenage
years.
My mom and
I were watching the Pioneer day parade about a week ago and we started talking
about what my life might have been had I been healthy. We decided that I would’ve gotten a horse and
maybe done barrel racing like my grandpa did.
I loved horses as a kid, still do, but I could only ride when I visited
grandpa. I did however take care of my
neighbors’ horses one more than one occasion when they went out of town.
We
continued dreaming about the fact that I probably would’ve continued playing
soccer passed the 3rd grade, and would’ve danced far passed 5th
grade. I probably would’ve graduated
from the same high school as my friends and not the alternative high
school. I probably would be a senior in
college, finishing up my early elementary education degree and going on to be a
kindergarten teacher. Mom threw in that
I would’ve been a beauty queen, but she’s probably a little biasedJ
After
dreaming about what I “should’ve, would’ve, could’ve” done I realized that even
though life hasn’t turned out as I may have hoped I have accomplished some
things that I’m incredibly proud of.
Here are a few:
Kindergarten Aide: My first real job. I had told myself that I would never be a
teacher because I come from a family full of them and so I have heard the
horror stories. The stories about the
pay not being so great, having to work within the system to help kids and
hitting a bunch of walls and most of all the crazy parents. I kind of happened upon this kindergarten aide
job, I was volunteering for a lady in my ward who is a kindergarten teacher,
helping her with the first couple of days of school. The position opened up and the teacher I was
working with demanded that they offer me the job. It turned out to be the best job I’ve ever
had. I really fell in love with the work
and not to sound prideful or anything but I was dang good at it. The three kindergarten teachers I worked with
started letting me teach the class and work with the especially difficult kids
who had a hard time responded to others.
One day they even let me substitute teach the class, keep in mind I was
fresh out of high school and had just recently turned 18. This dream job made me pick Early Elementary
Education when I left to college 5 months later.
College: In my family you go to college after high
school, that’s just what you do, which is probably the biggest reason I went to
college at all. Don’t get me wrong, its
not like my parents pushed me out the door or anything but it just seemed like
that was the natural next step. I
actually decided on the college I was going to go to when I was bedridden at Primary
Children’s hospital. I decided on
BYU-Idaho and to room with one of my life long besties. BYU-I has a different track system so I
didn’t start in the fall I started right after the New Year, 6 months after I
graduated high school, which gave me the opportunity to have my kindergarten
aide job. I was only at college for one
semester and only took two classes but it was still hard. I passed out a lot and my roommates found me
on the floor a couple times but I had really cool about it and that
helped. Even though it was hard I loved
college, I spent a lot of time cleaning the apartment and watching Project
Runway. It may sound stupid but it was
some of the best times I’ve ever had.
Guitar: I’m not pretending to be any kind of musician
or anything but it’s a fun hobby. I
think it was my junior year in high school when my mom bought me a $60 acoustic
guitar. To this day she still says it’s
the best sixty bucks she’s spent, she always wanted musical children but we all
quit piano lessons. I never learned how
to read music but I did teach myself the basic chords that can carry you
through most songs. Click the links below to hear some
recordings from over the years:
And here is an original written by my brother Andrew, my friend Kim and myself:
My life has
presented me with some obstacles as has everyone else's life, but I’m trying
not to let those obstacles make me feel like I’m unsuccessful. Sometimes I just have to redefine my version
of success.
Awesome perspective!
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