I’ve been
wanting to post for a couple weeks now but I either didn’t quite know what to
write about or I was too sick. I tossed
around the idea about reviewing the Dick Van Dyke Show, which I do suggest you
watch if you haven’t. Though I have
thoroughly enjoyed watching countless hours of Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler
Moore’s funny antics I didn’t think that merited a whole post. Plus I talked about Netflix shows a couple
weeks ago. Then something happened, I
walked down three whole steps of our staircase.
Though this may seem anticlimactic to most people, it was huge for
me. I started with three, then four,
then five and then six, which happens to be half way down the staircase. I could see the kitchen! The main floor of my house still exists
haha! For all I know, after months of being
confined to my room and upstairs in general, the main floor could’ve blown away. Even though I was descending the stairs I was
on top of the world! I had been taking
some supplements and it felt like we finally found a set up that was pushing me
in the right direction.
So why
didn’t I post about this success as it came you may ask? Well mostly because it disappeared as quickly
as it came on. See I have a condition
that makes me metabolize things incorrectly, I think I’ve mentioned it
before. Like clock work after taking
something daily for 4 days I start to feel weird and start having more POTS
symptoms. Something that was helping
just the day before is now my enemy.
This is far
from the first time something hasn’t worked, its happened so many times but
this time I broke. I broke into a
thousand pieces because for one second things were ok and I saw a light at the
end of the tunnel. Its sad how easily
hope can drain and be replaced with despair.
I didn’t feel well physically or emotionally and I didn’t want to write
about it either. I’ve gone back and
forth about if and how to write this post.
On one hand I don’t want to be a downer and be pitied for my life, nor
do I want to sugar coat it and say that I’m okay and that there’s a bigger plan
and all that stuff. While it is true
that there is a bigger plan, I sure don’t know it and I don’t know if I’m okay
with how it’s going currently. I figured
the only way to address this post was to just be honest. And honestly, it’s so hard, maybe harder than
I can handle. I don’t even have a clear
plan for what to do next to help myself.
So until I
figure out my next step I’m going to read Calvin and Hobbes, disappearing into
a world where the conundrums are more about what kind of snowman monsters to
make and hiding from Calvin’s evil bicycle (if you haven’t read Calvin and
Hobbes I recommend…nay I insist that you check it out). Because as hard as life is, somewhere deep
(currently VERY deep) down inside I somehow know things will be okay. I can’t explain it, I just know, but I often
forget so writing this down reminds me.
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